I honestly have a hard time understanding how people work sometimes…
Maybe it’s just because of the way that I was brought up; but I always treat people with some level of decency and respect until they give me a reason not to. WHY is this such a difficult concept for people to grasp? I find it really upsetting when people pass judgment on me, (or any other person for that matter) and treat me poorly when I don’t even know them. However, I don’t know them, so why does it bother me so much? Could it be because I believe in treating people well, to a point where I just can’t let it go? Or, more than likely, it is because I’m just overly sensitive. I tend to get over being mistreated by strangers pretty quickly, but sometimes I cannot help but stew in it for the rest of the day. Why? I couldn’t tell you, but it drives me batshit…
Some of you may have joined one of the many “birth clubs” on babycenter.com, and noticed, as I have, that many of these women can’t help but make a snide remark on any of the numerous threads… The one that I joined is supposed to be a “safe place where women going through similar things can come together and support each other.” After seeing so many harsh words exchanged, it honestly has me weary of what I post… Comments like: “You need counseling,” “Is that seriously a question?” “Wow, you shouldn’t have reproduced.” “OMG Kill me now.” are just some of the many many insulting comments I have seen in the threads… One woman told another she was too stupid to reproduce, because she wasn’t good at spelling. I tend to stay out of it when I see stuff like that, but I found it so infuriating!! I couldn’t help but chime in. This woman needed advice on something serious, and rather than acknowledge her concerns, numerous people were picking apart her spelling errors… That was the LAST thing she needed. I know plenty of people who cannot spell, but are brilliant when it comes to things like math and science. I got over it, thinking “well, I guess that’s what you get when you put a bunch of hormonal crazy women in a forum.” Time to move on.
The problem with that logic, ist that it is NOT just a bunch of crazy pregnant women, this is an issue with society. For some reason, people get off on trolling each other. Don’t get me wrong, I can be an asshole to people when they come off as ignorant, or pretentious, but I would never just be a jerk to someone like that because I CAN, or don’t completely agree with what they are saying. Why would people treat each other like that?
With my two best friends (I’m the one in the middle)
I’ve always been overweight, with a somewhat quirky style I guess… I have facial piercings, and my hair goes back and forth between natural and unnatural colors, my patterns never match, and I dress somewhat “lazy” a lot of the time… Most of the time people don’t really bother me, they just seem indifferent to my existence (which I am totally ok with lol) but I’ve noticed more and more lately just how awful people can be to each other. Of all of my worries as a first time mother-to-be, this is the one I probably struggle with the most…. I know that inevitably, my son will be treated poorly for no apparent reason, and I will have to explain to him the way that people work. How am I supposed to do this when I don’t fully understand it myself? To me, kindness is a simple concept, but maybe it really isn’t simple at all… but WHY!?
Sometimes I wish I could be hardened, I wish I could just “get over it,” I wish I could not let it bother me… It just seems to be easier that way, less involved. That isn’t me though I guess. I’m not the nicest person ever, but I can’t bring myself to treat people, the way I see people being treated on a daily basis. 99% of the time, if I end up being mean to someone (regardless of whether they drove me to it or not) I feel horrible. The guilt just works its way into my core and I feel like a piece of shit about it for days… I wasn’t always this way, in my youth I was downright awful to people sometimes. I was an angry person,and I took it out on everybody… Maybe that’s the problem, maybe people are bitter and angry, and can’t get over it.
I wish more than anything that I could do something to make a difference as far as this is concerned, but what? WHAT can I do? Whenever I try to talk kindness to most people, it’s like I put a big sign on my head saying “TROLL ME NOW PLEASE.” I really hate that I am this sensitive. I want more than anything to make a difference in the world, especially for the sake of my son. Something I need to ponder and reflect on I suppose. Maybe someday I will get it figured out. Maybe someday, I myself will finally understand, and everything will fall into place. Until then, I suppose I will have to just suck it up and deal.