The guilt, the shame, and the gummy worms…

As I was waddling through the store behind my husband earlier, I realized just that… I was WADDLING! Holy crap, I’m in my third trimester. Reality is sinking in, I’m getting bigger by the week, I’m always super hungry, and I’ve started waddling… Wow. I need to make sure I make better decisions on what I eat. I haven’t been horrible, (mostly) but I do still have some eating habits I need to work on… We were there to buy juice, bagels, and something for dinner, but before we had left our apartment, my roommate ask that we delve into the depths of the candy aisle to get him some starburst candy (with the purple wrapper of course.)
I shouldn’t have gone there. I knew I should have just let my husband grab the candy while I went forth to buy bagels… By nooo, I had to mosey down there with him. My dear husband, has quite a sweet tooth, and lately so have I. We walk past the shelves of delicious sugary death bites to acquire our target, I was on a mission, DON’T look at the splendor that surrounds you! My husband then says “we should get a bag of these too,” as he picks up the starbursts…. I figure it’s a reasonable request, we haven’t got candy in a minute, not a big deal… And then we saw them, three pounds of delicious gummy goodness. This bag was the size of my head, and I had to have it! I didn’t even know how bad I wanted gummy worms lol.
Needless to say, I ate almost half the bag before I realized how much I had eaten… Even now, I just need them, I had to have my husband confiscate them, so I wouldn’t continue to binge eat gummy worms. I have to wonder how it was I got here. About 6 months before I for pregnant, I had med lifestyle changes, and not only did I lose weight, I felt so much better! I gradually started eating processed junk and candy again, and now I’m here… I don’t remember a time in my adult life where I actually sat and ate that much candy. Did I mention that I also ate a bunch of star bursts?? I feel somewhat ashamed, because I know I can be better than that. I think “cut yourself some slack, you’re pregnant.” But that’s exactly it, I’m pregnant… There’s a freaking baby literally surviving on what I put in my body. Part of me can’t help but feel guilty for the amount of sugar I put into my son’s body, but it was so hard to stop myself! It’s like I just zoned out and continued on, like a ravenous gummy-badger. (GUMMY-BADGER DON’T CARE!)
On the bright side, my boy was squirming around like crazy afterwards lol. I just love feeling him move! Tomorrow is a new day, a day in which I can choose to move forward and make better decisions. 🙂

Food for though: I’m still thinking about food! Hah!


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