“Dude, I would have flipped the hell out.”
“Yeah, now’s the perfect time to go ape shit, you can totally get away with it when you’re pregnant.”
I hear this a lot. I still don’t feel right freaking out “just because I can.” Call me crazy, but I don’t really view pregnancy as an excuse to be some irrational crazy woman-beast. I’ve spent the last seven months second guessing every single emotion. I often ask myself, “Am I being rational?” “Is this really something I should be getting so worked up over?” “Is this the hormones talking or am I really this upset?” I never anticipated that I would be second guessing my every emotion… I’ve always felt things deeply, and I almost feel as though my pregnancy is causing me to not let myself feel as much. I really don’t want to be “That crazy pregnant chick.”
I feel scary enough as it is. I don’t want to be a scary pregnant gorilla woman! I look like I could go nuts and smash people’s faces in with my enormous belly at any given moment! I don’t need to scream and yell and be crazy to add to the effect lol. It genuinely upsets me when I’ve finally had enough of someone’s crap, and I finally say something, and the response I get it “oh, it’s just your hormones talking.” Ummm no. If it were “just my hormones” you would no longer have a face, fuck-nut! <<<( that’s the hormones talking…) I really don’t think people realize just how much I hold back.
Dear husband and me
For the sake of my sanity, and the people I love, I try very hard to keep the lady-beast that is my hormones at bay. I don’t understand how some women use their hormones as an excuse to act like freaking nut-jobs. No wonder men are so scared of us! lol. When I first got pregnant, a lot of my friends steered clear of me for a while, at first, I really didn’t understand why. Then a few months ago, my husband invited a friend over; he was someone that we’ve known a long time, and I’ve always got along well with. After he had been at our place for about 20 minutes, I noticed that he was avoiding me, not making eye contact, barely talking to me, only responding with one or two words… I’ve known this guy longer than I’ve known my husband (we actually met at his house) so I felt ok with saying “dude, what the hell is going on with you?” and he responds “I’m sorry, pregnant chicks just kinda scare me.” The look on his face when he said this is what really got me; his eyes said “please don’t kill me!” then it dawned on me, maybe that’s why a lot of people haven’t been coming around (my circle is predominantly men.) I took a good long look at my behavior, and I don’t feel as though I’ve been too crazy. I’ve had my moments where it’s all completely overwhelming and I cry, but as far as anger, I haven’t had too many incidents. I guess from a women’s perspective, it hasn’t been too different. Perhaps from a man’s perspective, I’m some scary cry-monster that could be set off by anything. (lol men-logic)
I take a look at a lot of my friends who are either currently pregnant, or who’s pregnancies I was around during, and each one was obviously different. I would hate to say any of my friends used pregnancy as an excuse to be a brat, I know that sometimes it is impossible to control, but I can’t help but wonder if women actually do that… Is there something to the “I’m pregnant so I’m going to be a spoiled brat and get my way” logic? Doesn’t seem worth it to me. Maybe that’s just me though. If I were to act crazy, and make the people around me feel bad, just so I could get my way, I think I would feel to guilty to enjoy “my way,” whatever that may be. I guess I just don’t understand it.
My husband has voiced his relief in recent days though. He said that when I first showed him the positive test, he thought it would be all me whining and yelling and unable to do anything and he would be running around like crazy on eggshells for nine months. He is pleasantly surprised that I am still capable of functioning on my own, and I’ve still been relatively easy to keep happy. I just hope I can keep it together for the next few months until our son arrives. ❤